Dragon Blood Soup

1 wild dragon, whole (about 10 tons)
10 barrels dragon blood
200 barrels Dwarven ale (remember, if ye wouldn’t drink it, don’t cook with it!)
1 sack salt
400 stalks of celery, cut into 2 inch pieces
400 sprigs chopped fresh parsley
1 barrel heavy goat cream
2000 whole allspice berries
800 whole cloves
2 barrels pitted prunes
1 half barrel raisins
400 tart apples (peeled, cored, and chopped)
2 sacks flour
1 sack sugar
1 half barrel freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 half barrel vinegar

Usin’ yer traditional standard dragon-sized stock pot over yer cookin’ fire, put yer bloody dragon carcass innit. Pour yer ale over the meatstuffs (make sure ye sample each barrel to ensure quality). Add yer bloody salt ’n get yer fire hot enough to boil. Skim off the foamy stuff.

In a huge series of holey bags (bags with holes, not sacred, ye bleedin’ idiot), put yer celery, parsley, allspice, ’n cloves in ’em and toss ’em in the pot. Cover yer pot and let the fire die down a bit. Heat until meat is tender, about 10 hours.

Git yer holey bags out of yer pot. Get yer dragon out of the pot ‘n take out its bones. Cut up the rest o’ the dragon and put it back in yer pot. Git yer prunes, raisins, and apples in yer pot now. Simmer fer two hours or so.

In another large bowl, beat the Abyss out o’ yer flour ‘n sugar into yer cream ’til its as smooth as an Elf’s stupid face. Beat yer dragon blood in, but go slow or you’ll dicker it. Add a barrel or so o’ yer stock ’til blended. Put the whole bloody blood thing into yer soup ’n git yer fire back hot so it boils again.

Season to taste with salt, pepper, lemon juice, ‘n vinegar (the only kind o’ good wine).

Serve fresh. Feeds a clan fer a single course.

Dragon Blood Soup

Beyond Which There Be Dragons CheshireOwl